My Struggles With Anger

{anger}

angry baby with grandfather

 A bit of my story:

“So then,[a] my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;” James 1:19 (NKJ)

I started attending a ministry called Celebrate Recovery 18 months ago.  Once a week I sit in a circle of women and say:

“My name is Christy, and I struggle with anger.”

I never thought I’d be this girl, but without even realizing it, when I became a parent, I assumed that the way I would get my kids to obey was through raising my voice and letting my frustrations be known.  I also wanted to be a patient, calm mother whose children were sweet and serene.  The two pictures didn’t jivePatience and anger aren’t exactly complementary.

The more children we added to our family, the more angry I let myself become.  I got angry when they woke the baby, angry when they disobeyed, angry when they didn’t follow mealtime etiquette, angry when they made extra messes or didn’t listen to my instructions quickly, and get this:  angry when they didn’t sit still for our daily Bible reading time. 

I had high, lofty goals for my children and my home, and I wanted us all to honor God, but I lost it when the kids didn’t meet the goals immediately and the first time.

I was frustrated with them for not obeying, and with myself for getting angry.

It was a continuous and unavoidable cycle {so I thought}.  Not to mention, I lived in denial.  I used words like:  frustrated, irritated, and justified, when I was really talking about my own inability to admit anger.

Finally, through several different circumstances, I found myself in a Celebrate Recovery (CR) meeting.  Typically, people think of CR as a ministry for addicts and those recovering from serious past hurts (things like abortion and abuse), not just anger.  But guess what?  Everyone has some recovering to do.  Everyone can benefit from a ministry that specializes in walking us through ways we hurt ourselves and others.

I didn’t think I belonged when I went to that first meeting.  I was just a typical mom who gets angry with her kids – really, that very day I had been in the Target parking lot and heard a mother absolutely screaming at her children to get in the car…I was sooooo much better than her!

“Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. 3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?”  Matthew 7:1-3

I am so glad I walked into that first meeting.

Not only is the cycle of anger stoppable and avoidable, but others are walking this same road, following this same path of healing and answers.

CR’s weekly meetings may not be the answer for you, but you may want to consider looking into one in your area.  I have found the year-long step study program particularly healing.  I now have many resources I look to,  including books and blogs on mothering and anger, but CR was the best place for me to start.

What you’ll find in this series:

  • one mom’s struggle with anger {mine}, and her daily trials and triumphs.  I have NOT mastered anger, though someday I hope to, so I will try not to be condescending or appear as if I have it all together – because I don’t.
  • I’ll come at this from a biblical world view.  I am not an expert, but I will write about what God has shown me through the Bible, prayer, and other biblical resources
  • some practical tools that will help you work through those times of anger
  • a genuine heart for my children and yours, a genuine desire to master anger so that our children don’t grow up to be angry and confused about God’s love.

“1 A soft answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.”  Proverbs 15:1

  • acceptance
  • a link-up so that you can post what you’ve learned about anger
  • a giveaway!  A collection of the resources that I’ve learned from.

Won’t you join us as we learn from God and each other how to raise our children in homes without anger?

also in this series:

  1. Series Intro
  2. Realization #1:  Acting In Anger Is Wrong
  3. check out our Anger & Children page for updates on the giveaway and a link-up!

*Don’t worry, FunMom is not lost in all this anger talk!  I will post on anger on Tuesdays and Thursdays for a few weeks.  At least two posts a week will still be “FunMom” posts, everything from fun things we can do to ways to look at life with a renewed sense of fun!  FunMom is part of this whole recovery – I have to replace anger and control with something – so she is still alive and well.

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Christy can be found at the beach chasing naked toddlers and cheering on her young surfers. She founded One Fun Mom to share her imperfect life and encourage moms to love how God made them. She's delighted to have you join her and her fabulous writing team as you all journey closer to God and learn to love others through His example.

Latest posts by Christy (see all)

Comments

  1. Great introduction. I never thought about CR for anger. I bet it took a lot of courage to walk in there that first night but your committment to change is motivating. I’m looking forward to your series. I actually wrote one on anger a while back that I may link first.
    Gaby recently posted..I have not fallen off the face of the earth (yet).My Profile

  2. kay mckenzie says:

    Christ,
    How do you do this?!?! Once again you have shared about something I am struggling with also! Just yesterday Vivian and I had a big blow out over cleaning the house. It started with teamwork, but quickly dissolved into whining and defiance on her part, then yelling on my part, then tears from both of us. I ended up deciding a clean house wasn’t worth all that, so we went shopping.
    I look forward to your insights on this!

    • I’m glad we can encourage each other! Good call changing the whole focus instead of continuing to push the cleaning. Sometimes everyone is a lot more workable when there has been time to cool down.

  3. Looking forward to this. I also struggle with my temper. I have never thought about how I disguise this by saying fustrated or aggrivated. Thanks for sharing.
    Chrissy recently posted..Revelation….My Profile

  4. Christy,

    Thanks for sharing! How powerful! It was so nice to run into you and your beautiful family at the Christmas tree farm. I’m glad Charlie recognized me (after, uh, MANY years since sophomore year of high school!!!) and that I happened to meet you after having read your blog! Best to you! I hope we connect again soon!

    Peace,

    Teresa

  5. This post, “My Struggles With Anger – One Fun Mom” ended up being very good.
    I’m impressing out a replicate to show my personal colleagues.
    Thanks for your effort-Alejandro
    http://tinyurl.com/monopiers21640 recently posted..http://tinyurl.com/monopiers21640My Profile

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  1. [...] earlier posts in this series tell how I began healing from the “roots” of my anger, now lets all get together and talk about the everyday anger that we experience as [...]

  2. [...] last several months I have been trying an experiment.  I have been striving for FunMom.  I have repented of my anger.  I have turned from it and I have looked for a replacement because… 43 “When an impure [...]

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